I appreciate you. 

I appreciate that you are reading this post.

I appreciate that you are taking time from what is most likely a busy day to pause and read a message from me. 

And now I ask you to pause again, and think about this. If I say to you, “I appreciate you,” how does that land? Does it make you think I’ve gone beyond muttering thanks and truly mean that you – not just your deeds – are important to me? Or do you find it annoying?

All one needs to do is hop on the infamous Reddit site and one will find a plethora of pros, cons, opinions and purported facts about the recent trend to use this phrase. Perhaps beginning in the southern United States and slowly migrating north, maybe around the time of Covid, increasing in popularity in younger communities, the words “I appreciate you” can now be heard coming from the lips of just about anyone, any age.

As I write this post, here in New England we have stepped out of Thanksgiving weekend straight into a snow storm and the month of December. As I work with clients, encouraging each to continue to work to build the habits of strength, cardiovascular fitness, flexibility, balance and play, I also encourage taking time each day for a few moments of stillness.

Last night in my Yin Yoga class, I suggested that during this season of the year, the most Yin time of the year, we are to give ourselves permission to slow down. We have permission (not that we need it!) to pause to simply think. Perhaps that is why I decided to write this post.

This morning I was on a leisurely walk with my two beloved Labs and as I watched them play in the snow, and then nearly stand on their heads, noses buried deep down into who knows what, I went down the proverbial rabbit hole of thinking about the phrase “I appreciate you.”  And so it is that even on a mundane walk, one can think deeply.

I remembered that seated at the Thanksgiving table, I looked around and thought “I appreciate you.” Why didn’t I say it out loud? Is the phrase new enough to me that I need to try it out a few times first? I do think there is a certain personal sincerity to it, so the phrase should be used selectively. One day this past summer a contractor was speaking with me and paused, then quietly said “I appreciate you.” To me it was a gift.  The other day it happened. I had the perfect opportunity to use this phrase. The exhausted Postmaster at our tiny local Post Office – always seriously overworked – was doing his best to serve many of us. I was the last in line and when he handed over my packages I thoughtfully said, “I appreciate you.” The smile that lit his face reinforced my growing fondness for these few words, judiciously uttered. A pause, eye contact, maybe a soft smile, and some nice words – what does this cost us? Nada. 

So perhaps, if we use this phrase carefully, check to be sure of our intention, and then gift another from the heart – perhaps this simple phrase could be the beginning of something sorely needed in the current culture of discourtesy. So much is out of our control. But we do have total control over the words we speak. As Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” I would add, then when we do speak, may we do so wisely. 

I appreciate you.